3.30.2009

this could be the best year

i mentioned that my family needed to reconnect. this simple fact hit home the other night after i swat my husband's face with a paintbrush full of white primer because i thought he was being too harsh with our eldest son. and no, i had not been drinking. instead of getting extremely pissed off, he asked what the heck is going on in my head because there would have to be things stewing in my mind before i actually got to the point where i'd swat him with a loaded paint brush. honestly, i was surprised myself and our preschooler was so perturbed, he pushed me and shouted, "mommy, you don't get paint on daddy's face!" i apologized to everyone for my reaction, which was truly a bad example. we got the boys to bed then talked. we both have been overstressed and somewhat depressed and what this comes down to is that we need a break from our kids to reconnect as a couple. however, my parents are the only ones we can count on for childcare, but they've been overstressed taking care of my grandmothers who have recently become widows. we don't have any close friends or relatives to ask and we feel kind of trapped. i have connections with reliable students who babysit, but we cannot afford $8-$10 an hour, especially after factoring in the expense of our outting. plus, we really need more than a few hours alone. i was venting my frustrations to my husband (and it's usually the other way around because i don't like to sound negative or feel like i'm making things worse) and he surprised me with his response. he said, you know how you wake up on a rainy morning and everything that can possibly go wrong goes wrong, but later in the day, the rain clears up and the day turns out really well? well, that could be this year. this could turn out to be one of the best years. i was so moved by that little ounce of hope, my mood was instantly uplifted and the weekend turned out to be the best one of the year, so far. the following day, we went to the local german fest. and things are already looking brighter. :)

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